At Home, Arlington, Massachusetts
Last night I woke up to a riot inside myself. Before I woke up I dreamt that someone came up to me and aggressively tickled my belly. I angrily awoke, worried that their tickling was going to hurt the baby. But after realizing it was dream, I realized something even funnier. The baby was having a party. I’ve never felt her move so much. I could feel her bumping up against the top left and bottom right of my womb simultaneously. I guess she was completely stretched out and kicking on one side and punching on the other. Or maybe she was literally bouncing off the walls. Whatever she was doing, it was so intense it took my quite a while to fall back asleep. Oh I can’t wait to meet this little bundle of energy.
About the Project
This is a very personal project. It tracks my growth and development as I journeyed toward motherhood over the recent years. It doesn't document every experience I had, and probably neglects my more joyful and peaceful moments in the frenzy of trying to communicate my fears, anxieties, and doubts. If you are a friend or loved one, please do not let anything you read here overshadow what you know of me personally. If you are a stranger, please remember that a living and flawed person stands behind these words. To all my guests here, please understand these are not political statements and try to extend me grace, even as I share my failures and foibles - I have repented of much of what I share. I don't share this journal as an exemplar, but rather out of the desire to share my hope that entrance to motherhood does not need to be a fearful thing - despite the very real fears I have fought against. Motherhood is simply a part of life and one through which I am discovering more of myself and my God.