At Home, Arlington, Massachusetts
 
I wrote the following for my Jonathan Edwards class and I want to remember it here.
 
“‘Being sensible that I am unable to do anything without God’s help, I do humbly entreat him by his grace to enable me to keep these resolutions, so far as they are agreeable to his will, for Christ’s sake.’ With these words from Jonathan Edwards as a reminder of my complete dependence on Christ to attain not only my salvation, but also sanctification, I list here a set of twenty-five resolutions. May these resolutions work for my spiritual benefit, and may I avoid creating a law unto myself; for the law ultimately can do no good for my eternal state, apart from the power of the Holy Spirit in me to regenerate and renew my will to live for Christ.
 

1. I resolve to live only unto Christ, focusing the eyes of my heart upon him.
2. I resolve to continue to evaluate and seek God’s calling in my life, working to increase in my ability to obey when and as he leads.
3. I resolve to live out of faith, rather than fear, as I seek and determine God’s call on my life.
4. I resolve to carefully heed words of wisdom from others concerning calling and giftedness, and I resolve not to be unduly swayed by those who are unwise. I resolve to grow in seeking the Lord’s wisdom first, and in my ability to determine what advice is wise and what advice is folly.
5. I resolve to stop listening to my insecurities concerning God’s gifts in my life and to grow in faith in God’s abundant blessing to me as one of his children.
6. I resolve to pursue good work, particularly work in which I sense the Lord’s delight upon me as I use my abilities to accomplish what he has equipped me to do.
7. I resolve to work hard, without complaining or bitterness, and finding joy in the work my hands do.
8. I resolve to be a good steward and to consider seriously throughout my lifetime that which God has given to my care.
9. I resolve to steward the material goods God has given me so that they may not go to waste.
10. I resolve to steward the material goods God has given me in order not to hoard possessions.
11. I resolve to steward the body God has given me, taking care of what I eat and how I exercise so that I do not live a dichotomized life, caring greatly for my soul but neglecting my body. Rather I resolve to glorify God and make use of his gifts to me, unified in body and spirit.
12. I resolve to honor my parents, seeking and learning what this means as an adult, so that peace in my family and heart might abound.
13. I resolve to honor my husband, delight in him, and follow his guidance.
14. I resolve to guard my tongue and speak only in love.
15. I resolve to speak encouraging words to others and avoid a complaining mode of speech.
16. I resolve to guard my heart, working to maintain and foster joy, rather than being given over to its whims.
17. I resolve to pray for joy and seek the Spirit to grow this fruit in my life.
18. I resolve to share my joy with others when it is found, particularly my husband, rather than keeping it quiet to myself.
19. I resolve to share in others’ joys, not only their sorrows, and to grow in my ability to celebrate with others in the good gifts God has given them.
20. I resolve to lay aside all jealousy and envy, delighting in what God gives others.
21. I resolve to reflect upon God’s kindnesses to me when jealousies do arise, and to celebrate the love he has given me.
22. I resolve to grow in forgiveness and charitableness when others have hurt me.
23. I resolve to maintain friendships, working to restore what has been damaged.
24. I resolve to lay aside petty judgments of others and learn to delight in differences.
25. I resolve to value scripture highly and to soak my life in its light and truth.” 

At Home, Arlington, Massachusetts
 
How do you pray when nothing in your life is particularly bad, or particularly good? The things on my heart all pertain to success in work for myself and for those that I love, and somehow this seems fundamentally selfish. I know that God is said to care about all aspects of our life, but is it really not selfish to pray for success and blessing when my brothers and sisters are dying for myriad reasons? I don’t mean this as a trite question. It is often difficult for me to pray for myself and my family at all when I feel like there are so many other things God ought to be paying attention to. Trey is truly struggling with finals, my dad's has work frustrations, J. has to pass quals this second time around, R. has a job interview. Without God carrying all of these things to completion, very large and significant changes will be wrought in our lives and the work we've been given up till now will end. So I want to pray, desperately, for success. But I can't figure out how to pray for success. If we fail, isn't that supposed to mean that God has something else in store for us? But aren't we supposed to work hard to succeed? But we all seem to be at points where there is no pretense that anyone else other than God can bring about our success in these areas. But what if God doesn't give success in these areas? On what basis do I go to God to petition him for success? On what or whose account do I petition for success? I can't petition on my merit or the people I love's merit - we are all meritless. I think it is on Christ's merit that I approach the throne, but does that apply to success in work? "God give us success in this work on behalf of Christ's work" doesn't seem right, but rather shallow and silly in the light of so many other bigger issues. And there I am stuck. On what basis can I go to God to ask for the things that I desire? They seem like good things, but I am not God, so how can I say what is good? I dare not barter with God. The only thing I can ever land on is simply asking. Petitioning the Lord simply because I want something. And that is where it seems petty and selfish. Is the best thing to just not want anything or desire anything? Is it best not to care what work you do or what God gives you? I just don't know.