At Home, Arlington, Massachusetts
Would you rather... Have children who rebelled, made life a hardship, and you never really knew either way if they loved the Lord, or never have children but live out your life in meaningful ways and joyfully with your spouse?
This was the question I asked the car for “peel the onion” on the drive back to Boston from Thanksgiving. Everyone else in the car (R., J., and Trey) chose the second option. I chose the first. And though I couldn't say I would definitely be committed to the choice, I think that choosing it demonstrates growth in my life. I don't think either answer is ultimately right or wrong, but I'm glad that I felt compelled enough by the first answer to go with it in a silly game. Perhaps even if one could never really know about the eternal state of your children, producing life is good in and of itself.
About the Project
This is a very personal project. It tracks my growth and development as I journeyed toward motherhood over the recent years. It doesn't document every experience I had, and probably neglects my more joyful and peaceful moments in the frenzy of trying to communicate my fears, anxieties, and doubts. If you are a friend or loved one, please do not let anything you read here overshadow what you know of me personally. If you are a stranger, please remember that a living and flawed person stands behind these words. To all my guests here, please understand these are not political statements and try to extend me grace, even as I share my failures and foibles - I have repented of much of what I share. I don't share this journal as an exemplar, but rather out of the desire to share my hope that entrance to motherhood does not need to be a fearful thing - despite the very real fears I have fought against. Motherhood is simply a part of life and one through which I am discovering more of myself and my God.