At Home, Arlington, Massachusetts
Today we had our downs syndrome screening. It was amazing. We'll get our results back in a few days, but the technician said everything looked pretty good. But the ultrasound was incredibly. Absolutely stunning. It was on a huge screen and the little bug was moving around a ton. Like all over the place. We saw the legs, toes, arms, and fingers move around, crossing and uncrossing, waving and touching its face. There was fluid in its stomach, two brain hemispheres, and it liked to flip around a lot. In fact the technician had quite a challenging time getting the baby to do what she wanted it to do. She needed to get it in profile and kept having me cough to prod it into flipping. It would start to flip and then decide it wanted to go back the way it liked. Eventually she got it how she needed it, but it was quite funny. It was so incredibly beautiful. It has the most perfect little nose. Trey seemed quite taken aback by it all. I don't think he realized how much the baby could move at this point or how active it could be. It was pretty fun to watch it all really hit home for him.
Thank you, Lord, for a good appointment. Thank you from the bottom of my heart that we have made it this far, that we are safe in our second trimester. You are still growing our baby and we praise you for it.
Dr. G replied very kindly to my email today. He was very excited to hear that we are expecting and very much looks forward to our plans for the future. I still have some mourning to do over these life changes, but it is a good kind of mourning and I am thankful for people like Dr. G who know how to give encouraging words in the midst of it.
I feel really sick again tonight for some reason. No idea why and quite frustrated, but at least things are generally subsiding. Oh, body, please be my friend.
About the Project
This is a very personal project. It tracks my growth and development as I journeyed toward motherhood over the recent years. It doesn't document every experience I had, and probably neglects my more joyful and peaceful moments in the frenzy of trying to communicate my fears, anxieties, and doubts. If you are a friend or loved one, please do not let anything you read here overshadow what you know of me personally. If you are a stranger, please remember that a living and flawed person stands behind these words. To all my guests here, please understand these are not political statements and try to extend me grace, even as I share my failures and foibles - I have repented of much of what I share. I don't share this journal as an exemplar, but rather out of the desire to share my hope that entrance to motherhood does not need to be a fearful thing - despite the very real fears I have fought against. Motherhood is simply a part of life and one through which I am discovering more of myself and my God.