Saturday, October 22, 2016
At Home, Arlington, Massachusetts
Last night I dreamt many dreams about my baby. I can't remember them all, but I remember the ones shortly before I woke up. The baby needed its diaper changed and Trey was trying to do so; however, the baby kept pooping while Trey was cleaning its butt and he couldn't figure out what to do. I had to jump in and take over. Afterwards, I started feeding the baby and I dreamt about how it will feel to have a baby sucking on my breast. In my dream it was a good experience. I also thought about the baby's name in my dream. I called her “V” and was very satisfied with it. After waking up, I felt even more certain that I do truly like the name.
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About the Project
This is a very personal project. It tracks my growth and development as I journeyed toward motherhood over the recent years. It doesn't document every experience I had, and probably neglects my more joyful and peaceful moments in the frenzy of trying to communicate my fears, anxieties, and doubts. If you are a friend or loved one, please do not let anything you read here overshadow what you know of me personally. If you are a stranger, please remember that a living and flawed person stands behind these words. To all my guests here, please understand these are not political statements and try to extend me grace, even as I share my failures and foibles - I have repented of much of what I share. I don't share this journal as an exemplar, but rather out of the desire to share my hope that entrance to motherhood does not need to be a fearful thing - despite the very real fears I have fought against. Motherhood is simply a part of life and one through which I am discovering more of myself and my God.