Sunday, February 8, 2015
Brookwoods Camp, Alton, New Hampshire
I want to be the type of mother who has joy. I've spent the weekend with all sorts of mothers from my church and it's amazing to me how much variety there is. I guess it's no different from all people - some are happy and some are not. But I want to be the kind who is just happy, and not bothered or stressed about everything. I know women who are so relaxed and unconcerned about things. Some just glow peacefulness. They seem to expect and be totally fine with chaos and I want to be like that. I don't want to have pursed lips and a tightened forehead every day of my life as a mother.
1/27/2017 04:51:54 am
Me too!!! I remember going shopping with my sister and her two little girls and just being amazed at how not-stressed she was, even when they started fussing. I, on the other hand, was often struggling not to stress about having just my one little sweetie shopping, particularly at a department store! I asked her about it, and what I think I remember was her talking about the journey of learning to let go. I think it really is a process of surrendering the nice tidy control we like to have of our circumstances to the loving Father who sovereignly leads us through days where our little ones are being "angelic" as well as days when they want to hide in the clothing racks and put every strange and dirty thing they can find on the floor of the store in their mouths ;-) I think that day was a step in my process, but I still have a ways to go! Thankful for a God who is faithful to (one day!) complete what He starts in us.
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About the Project
This is a very personal project. It tracks my growth and development as I journeyed toward motherhood over the recent years. It doesn't document every experience I had, and probably neglects my more joyful and peaceful moments in the frenzy of trying to communicate my fears, anxieties, and doubts. If you are a friend or loved one, please do not let anything you read here overshadow what you know of me personally. If you are a stranger, please remember that a living and flawed person stands behind these words. To all my guests here, please understand these are not political statements and try to extend me grace, even as I share my failures and foibles - I have repented of much of what I share. I don't share this journal as an exemplar, but rather out of the desire to share my hope that entrance to motherhood does not need to be a fearful thing - despite the very real fears I have fought against. Motherhood is simply a part of life and one through which I am discovering more of myself and my God.