Brookwoods Camp, Alton, New Hampshire
I want to be the type of mother who has joy. I've spent the weekend with all sorts of mothers from my church and it's amazing to me how much variety there is. I guess it's no different from all people - some are happy and some are not. But I want to be the kind who is just happy, and not bothered or stressed about everything. I know women who are so relaxed and unconcerned about things. Some just glow peacefulness. They seem to expect and be totally fine with chaos and I want to be like that. I don't want to have pursed lips and a tightened forehead every day of my life as a mother.
About the Project
This is a very personal project. It tracks my growth and development as I journeyed toward motherhood over the recent years. It doesn't document every experience I had, and probably neglects my more joyful and peaceful moments in the frenzy of trying to communicate my fears, anxieties, and doubts. If you are a friend or loved one, please do not let anything you read here overshadow what you know of me personally. If you are a stranger, please remember that a living and flawed person stands behind these words. To all my guests here, please understand these are not political statements and try to extend me grace, even as I share my failures and foibles - I have repented of much of what I share. I don't share this journal as an exemplar, but rather out of the desire to share my hope that entrance to motherhood does not need to be a fearful thing - despite the very real fears I have fought against. Motherhood is simply a part of life and one through which I am discovering more of myself and my God.