At Home, Arlington, Massachusetts
It dawned on me just now that I don't have much of a tendency to see children as my pride. I was thinking about past societies and how even men in those days saw offspring as a mark of their place in their world, a proud mark of their manhood. Creating children was the primary task of creation. I was thinking about these days and how much that perspective has vanished. Children are a sacrifice rather than a badge of honor. And then it occurred to me that I also operate under this assumption. But I can't figure out why. I was homeschooled, a culture in which most people at least talk as if children are the primary source of pride. I think my parents talk as if their children are their biggest accomplishments. But it's not in me somehow. Underneath it all, I didn't inherit this view of offspring and I can't figure out why.
About the Project
This is a very personal project. It tracks my growth and development as I journeyed toward motherhood over the recent years. It doesn't document every experience I had, and probably neglects my more joyful and peaceful moments in the frenzy of trying to communicate my fears, anxieties, and doubts. If you are a friend or loved one, please do not let anything you read here overshadow what you know of me personally. If you are a stranger, please remember that a living and flawed person stands behind these words. To all my guests here, please understand these are not political statements and try to extend me grace, even as I share my failures and foibles - I have repented of much of what I share. I don't share this journal as an exemplar, but rather out of the desire to share my hope that entrance to motherhood does not need to be a fearful thing - despite the very real fears I have fought against. Motherhood is simply a part of life and one through which I am discovering more of myself and my God.