Gordon-Conwell, South Hamilton, Massachusetts
It has been the greatest blessing for me to be back in school. Even if nothing comes of it professionally, it is time well used. This opportunity to study those who have given Christ their hearts, my brothers and sisters throughout the ages, is awakening my soul. I so often feel as if my soul has been in a deep sleep for the past five years and suddenly it's waking up. It's cumbersome and brutish, but my heart is coming alive once more. It's learning to put fear aside.
To have a reawakened heart is perhaps the number one thing I need to bravely face motherhood. When I feel God's face shining at me, I am not so afraid to give away my life for the sake of others.
About the Project
This is a very personal project. It tracks my growth and development as I journeyed toward motherhood over the recent years. It doesn't document every experience I had, and probably neglects my more joyful and peaceful moments in the frenzy of trying to communicate my fears, anxieties, and doubts. If you are a friend or loved one, please do not let anything you read here overshadow what you know of me personally. If you are a stranger, please remember that a living and flawed person stands behind these words. To all my guests here, please understand these are not political statements and try to extend me grace, even as I share my failures and foibles - I have repented of much of what I share. I don't share this journal as an exemplar, but rather out of the desire to share my hope that entrance to motherhood does not need to be a fearful thing - despite the very real fears I have fought against. Motherhood is simply a part of life and one through which I am discovering more of myself and my God.