At Home, Arlington, Massachusetts
This morning V was moving around quite a lot when I woke up. I could feel her kicking through my belly so that my whole abdomen moved. Trey has felt her move before, but only once, and every time he tries to feel her moving she seems to quiet down. So I told him to put his hand on my stomach and he got a few really good kicks. They were so hard we wondered if they were head butts. Oh, I love this little girl so much. Sometimes it feels like I'm falling in love with her - I have all of the butterflies and heightened pulses and everything.
About the Project
This is a very personal project. It tracks my growth and development as I journeyed toward motherhood over the recent years. It doesn't document every experience I had, and probably neglects my more joyful and peaceful moments in the frenzy of trying to communicate my fears, anxieties, and doubts. If you are a friend or loved one, please do not let anything you read here overshadow what you know of me personally. If you are a stranger, please remember that a living and flawed person stands behind these words. To all my guests here, please understand these are not political statements and try to extend me grace, even as I share my failures and foibles - I have repented of much of what I share. I don't share this journal as an exemplar, but rather out of the desire to share my hope that entrance to motherhood does not need to be a fearful thing - despite the very real fears I have fought against. Motherhood is simply a part of life and one through which I am discovering more of myself and my God.