Tuesday, November 15, 2016
Semitic Museum of Harvard, Cambridge, Massachusetts
The last couple of weeks have been rough. Job uncertainties, first steps to looking for another job that didn’t lead anywhere, intense travel for work, intense conversations for work, depressing elections, political fights with my dad, friends who don't seem to want to be my friend anymore. But they have all also felt somewhat normal. Or not normal, I guess, but maybe more like this is just what adult life looks like. Being an adult isn't easy – everything is so much more serious. Nothing will just be ok with time. The decisions I make and the words I speak now have far more implications for my life than they did ten years ago. At times it's all felt so heavy, as if the new normal in life requires adaptation to heavier burdens.
But this morning while I was getting dressed, all of the sudden I felt an inexplicable joy. I just felt happy. I don't know why, but I did, and I'm thankful for it. The burdens are still there and they won't go away, but there is a profound space for joy and contentment in the world and I felt it this morning.
I've started feeling the baby move and it's a wonderful feeling. It's reassuring and comforting, while also being quite surprising. The world this child is coming into is a crazy place with crazy people. And I don't know what this child's life will be like or whether he will honor the Lord, but I'm thankful for this baby and I'm thankful I can feel it move.
Leave a Reply.
About the Project
This is a very personal project. It tracks my growth and development as I journeyed toward motherhood over the recent years. It doesn't document every experience I had, and probably neglects my more joyful and peaceful moments in the frenzy of trying to communicate my fears, anxieties, and doubts. If you are a friend or loved one, please do not let anything you read here overshadow what you know of me personally. If you are a stranger, please remember that a living and flawed person stands behind these words. To all my guests here, please understand these are not political statements and try to extend me grace, even as I share my failures and foibles - I have repented of much of what I share. I don't share this journal as an exemplar, but rather out of the desire to share my hope that entrance to motherhood does not need to be a fearful thing - despite the very real fears I have fought against. Motherhood is simply a part of life and one through which I am discovering more of myself and my God.