Romans 2:6-11 "He will render to each one according to his works: to those who by patience in well-doing seek for glory and honor and immortality, he will give eternal life; but for those who are self-seeking, and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness, there will be wrath and fury. There will tribulation and distress for every human being who does evil, the Jew first and also the Greek, but glory and honor and peace for everyone who does good, the Jew first and also the Greek. For God shows no partiality."
I, like everyone else, want immortality. I want to know that my presence here was not meaningless, that it will continue. Birth and motherhood is a reminder that I am not immortal – the difference between birth and life is always razor thin. What gives life to one, takes life from another. Entering into motherhood will entail the next step towards my death – physical death, death to self, cessation of my individual will. But those who continue patiently in well-doing will receive eternal life. Only in Christ is a step towards death a step towards life. Only in Christ is childbirth truly redeemed, motherhood redeemed. I seek immortality, and it will be given me, but only through the way of the cross. Death is the payment due all mothers; but for those in Christ, those who are not self-seeking, true life awaits.
About the Project
This is a very personal project. It tracks my growth and development as I journeyed toward motherhood over the recent years. It doesn't document every experience I had, and probably neglects my more joyful and peaceful moments in the frenzy of trying to communicate my fears, anxieties, and doubts. If you are a friend or loved one, please do not let anything you read here overshadow what you know of me personally. If you are a stranger, please remember that a living and flawed person stands behind these words. To all my guests here, please understand these are not political statements and try to extend me grace, even as I share my failures and foibles - I have repented of much of what I share. I don't share this journal as an exemplar, but rather out of the desire to share my hope that entrance to motherhood does not need to be a fearful thing - despite the very real fears I have fought against. Motherhood is simply a part of life and one through which I am discovering more of myself and my God.