​Wednesday, October 7, 2015

At Home, Arlington, Massachusetts
 
This is the year of transition and it is difficult. Good and exciting, but also just plain difficult. I've had 3 realizations in the last week and I'll just list them out below.
 
1) There is no way in hell I could be in school while having young children. I would go batshit crazy. I'm not sure what universe I thought I lived in, but it wasn't a real one. Now that I am back in school, I love it, but I also could not do it with babies. Any further educational dreams will simply have to wait until later in life.
 
2) I have an ideal birth order and number of children. Unfortunately, that is the absolute most impossible thing to control in life. But I'm still going to pray and ask the Lord for this order and number of kids. I would just be absolutely tickled to death if I had a boy first and then twin girls. I know this is absolute madness, but it makes my heart absolutely sing to think about having that family. I would name the boy W. C. and he would be just like Trey. The twin girls would be named V. A. and F. E. They would be just like Ruthie and me, but twins. All three children have a virtue name and a family name. Just thinking about this dream makes me dizzy. I don't think I've ever been so excited about the possibility of having children as thinking about these three mythological children makes me.
 
3) Negotiating work while planning to have kids is really really hard. In fact, everything I've ever heard about it all of the sudden feels very real. It is true women can't have it all. We don't live in a reality where working and mothering go hand in hand.