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One: What Do You Hoard?

10/2/2014

2 Comments

 
Today I was asked, “What do you hoard?” My first thought was, “Well, nothing.” I don’t think of myself as a hoarder, especially since I live in NYC where no one has spare closets for luxuries such as hoarding. 

I started to think about the items I have—I own quite a few books, and dresses, and a sizable collection of DVDs. But none of them could be classified as hoard-sized, and besides, isn’t hoarding more about the attitude attached to the items? Isn’t it more about the fact that a hoarder cherishes those things and returns time and time again to them to remind themselves simply that they’re there?

As I pondered this, I suddenly realized that of course I’m a hoarder, just not in the way I typically think of hoarding. I don’t hoard material things, but I tend to gather up the way people talk about me—good or bad—and store it in my soul where I can go back and consider it. I grow hungry for a compliment or a word of affirmation, and I feel the need to compel someone to flatter me, just so I can add it to the treasure trove of compliments in my heart. Or, on days when I’m sad, I stack up embarrassing things I’ve done or said around me like a fort and sit in the middle, berating myself for being an idiot.

There’s nothing wrong with reflecting on the words of myself or others, and it’s a good thing to be aware of how we are affected and affect others. But like someone who hoards material possessions, the problem lies in my attitude—the fact that I gather these things to me for the purpose of dwelling on them and viewing myself through the lens of their presence. If I am truly building my joy and contentment on what people have said about me or to me, I am going to be sorely disappointed. 

It’s easy to remember that last sentence in moments of clarity, and much less easy to remember it when I’m on the high of a compliment or the low of a negative word. But this past weekend I went to a NEEDTOBREATHE concert, and as they played one of their most famous songs, I was reminded of the simple truth in their lyrics:

Even when the rain falls
Even when the flood starts rising
Even when the storm comes
I am washed by the water

If I’m going to hoard anything, it’s going to be words of life like these. 


~Ruthie
2 Comments
Ying
10/5/2014 02:35:05 pm

Very insightful thoughts!
Reading this reflection reminds me of Ecclesiates and "vanish" world that Solomon talks about. He came to the conclusion that everything was meaningless to him. His fame (e.g., people from far away places would visit him just to him speak), success and ability meant nothing to him. I cannot comprehend that...
Naturally, people live to attain those things he despised. I think deep down, every single person has this intense, frantic, even consuming desire to be completely satisfied all the time, let it be the material goods, or compliments. At the same time, we are all old enough to have come to the conclusion that it won't happen in our lifetime; because nothing in the world can truly satisfy our thrive for completeness.
Yet, a lot of times we keep looking for satisfaction in all the wrong things that always leave us more empty after each taste of immediate gratification.
It's a hard lesson to learn. I cannot count how many times I chose flesh over God, and consequently, had (and most of time I still have) blurry spiritual vision.
A timely post to read. Thank you!

Reply
Ruthie
10/6/2014 01:50:04 pm

So glad it was an encouragement. :)

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