Carved to Adorn
  • Home
  • Hannah
  • The Motherhood Project
  • Ruthie
  • Bio
  • Explained

Four: Lone Wolf

10/5/2014

3 Comments

 
I turned 30 this summer. I've been reflecting on a lot of things about my life in the last year, but one thing I've thought about most is how difficult it is for me let people into my life. Whenever I hint at this with friends and acquaintances or mention that I consider myself an introvert, people act really surprised. I have so many people in my life. I have always been pretty social and when I'm around people I tend to engage. Nonetheless, the fact remains that at the turn of my third decade, I find myself reflecting on the lack of input from others into my life.

I've started to see this as a significant problem, particularly when it comes to my relationships with older women. Simply put - I do not know any older women who regularly speak into my life apart from my mother. Thankfully, I have an amazing mother with whom I can speak openly. She is the greatest source of advice and counsel in my life and I would never ever want to replace her. But surely, there should be more women than my mother speaking into my life? While she is the wisest woman I know, that doesn't mean only her experiences are valid in regards to my life. We are made to live in community that includes our family relationships, but also extends beyond it.

As I've started to think more about this over the past year, I've had a difficult time figuring out why I feel like such a lone wolf. Is it my fault that there aren't older women investing in my life? Am I not putting myself into situations where I could be meeting such women? Am I not listening to whatever women already are in my life?  

While I truly do not know the answer to these questions, I do keep coming back to a few thoughts. Recently, my husband told me I am the most intense person he's ever known. This was not a criticism and it came up as a passing comment in an unrelated conversation. But it's stuck with me because while ten years ago such a comment would have been crushing to me as someone desperate to be liked and enjoyed by all, these days I just kind of nodded my head and said, I know. I know I'm intense. I have a lot of thoughts and opinions and I stand by them. I don't mind being an intense person. 

But I also have started to realize that it gives people a really false understanding of who I am. It's funny how the offhand comments of the ones you love most stick with you forever. Another observation made by husband in the last year truly surprised me. He told me that though I may be an interesting person in my "public" personality - intensity and passion usually ratcheted up to level ten - it's in my weakest moments that I'm compellingly beautiful. I laughed when he first said this, and I still think it's a funny thought, but when I consider his observations in the light of sensed lack of older women investing in my life, I realize that most people around me probably have absolutely no sense of who I really am. I wear my passions on my sleeves, but I don't wear deepest fears and insecurities and hopes on my sleeves.

Women love to help people. Women love to help women. But I think women really love to help women who are open with their needs. Women don't usually like "intense" women. I don't usually like intense women and I'm not sure I would much like myself if I were not me! 

So I'm just going to make this general statement. Don't assume that anyone has their stuff together. Don't assume that intensity and independence mean a lack of desire for input. I can't tell you how many times in the many cities I've lived in as an adult that I have desperately longed for an older sister to simply ask me a question or two to see how I'm doing because I couldn't get past my own personality to bring up my struggles. 



~Hannah

3 Comments
Erik L link
10/5/2014 10:22:56 pm

Hi Hannah,

The most intense person that Trey's ever known? I'm almost jealous of that title =). I think of you as intense, but not as crazy-over-the-top intense. Maybe that's because most of the capacity I see you in is in a personal and not a public capacity though? Unless you have your "public" personality on when I'm around, that is.

In any event, I'm excited for both of you to get through this semester and for Trey to officially become 1. a language guru; and 2. someone with time to breath. Then, hopefully if I haven't seen your true colors, we can all let our hair down a little more and corporately not have it together. Of course, I'm not the older woman you're looking for, but what I'm really trying to say is that I enjoyed reading the post and am looking forward to hearing about all the craziness of the Trey/Hannah world. The end.

Reply
Hannah Nation
10/5/2014 10:27:06 pm

Awww... Erik you are so awesome. I truly value your friendship! We need to see more of you too. Please stay in Boston! ;-D

Reply
Grace
10/8/2014 02:48:00 am

Aw, I love this post, Hannah, and I think you are loveable and wonderful. Three cheers to intense women (myself included!) I look fwd to hanging out with you more in the months to come. :)

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Archives

    October 2018
    November 2017
    July 2016
    June 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    November 2015
    October 2015
    July 2015
    April 2015
    February 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    April 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    November 2012
    October 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    March 2011
    December 2010
    November 2010
    June 2010
    May 2010
    April 2010
    March 2010
    January 2010
    December 2009
    September 2009
    August 2009
    July 2009
    April 2009
    March 2009
    February 2009
    September 2008
    July 2008

    Categories

    All
    365
    Abortion
    Advent
    Animals
    Beauty
    Beginning Of Life
    Boston
    Boston Reading Project
    Calling
    China
    China Partnership
    Christianity
    Commitment
    Community
    Consumerism
    Contentment
    Conversations
    Creation
    Culture
    Death
    Debate
    Eternity
    Exploration
    Faith
    Family
    Fashion
    Feminism
    Film
    Friendship
    Gender
    Germany
    Girl Culture
    God's Love
    Grace
    Guilt
    Human Rights
    Humor
    Identity
    Judging
    Justice
    Lists
    Literature
    Lost In Translation
    Love
    Male Gaze
    Marriage
    Mary
    Materialism
    Memories
    Morality
    Music
    Mythology
    New England
    Objectification
    Photography
    Pinterest
    Poetry
    Poverty
    Prayer
    Purpose
    Quotes
    Recommendations
    Relationships
    Repentance
    Responsibility
    Roles
    Sarah The Dog
    Scripture
    Sex
    Sex Trafficking
    Singleness
    Stewardship
    Stories
    Suffering
    The Body
    Theology
    Time
    Travel
    Vintage
    Virtue
    Wedding
    Whimsey
    Work

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • Home
  • Hannah
  • The Motherhood Project
  • Ruthie
  • Bio
  • Explained