Carved to Adorn
  • Home
  • Hannah
  • The Motherhood Project
  • Ruthie
  • Bio
  • Explained

What's in a Wedding Anyway?

3/5/2012

0 Comments

 
Picture
When I got engaged at the end of August, I wondered if it would open a door onto a world of deep thoughts concerning womanhood. It didn't. Granted, much in my life has been changing. But those changes have not made me inherently wiser or more thoughtful about my identity and place in society.  Life goes on and I remain mostly the same. Now I find myself wondering the same about marriage. My suspicion is that it might have some small impact on my observations and thoughts, but overall nothing earth shattering will change. I still ask the same questions; I still struggle with the same doubts; I still get irritated by the same signs of brokenness.

While my personal changes have not yet caused much writing, the world around me remains much the same and continues to provide much food for thought. I worked briefly for a woman as a "mother's helper," and I find myself pondering something she once said in conversation.

I consider this woman to be very typical of a certain American demographic. She is in her mid 30s, but looks and acts younger than what older generations would assume of her age. She and her child's father have been together for more than a decade, but are unmarried, and the baby was an unexpected surprise after many years chasing careers and enjoying life with friends. Their lack of preparation for or pursuit of creating a family has not deterred from their love for their child and they now dedicate all of their time and energy to giving him the most perfect, protected, and politically correct childhood in their power to give. They have and want "family," but in untraditional ways.

I found out they are not married through an awkward conversation about my own upcoming wedding, and it was in this conversation that she sparked food for thought. After answering many of her questions regarding my wedding, I nervously asked about her own wedding and she laughed and replied there had never been one.  Her laughter eased the whole situation and we were able to talk more freely. I asked if they had ever considered marriage assuming assumed the answer would be "no," but was surprised when she replied that actually her partner really wanted to get married while she did not. I asked more about why he wanted marriage and her response went something like this, "...well, I think he believes it's something sacred," but as an atheist she just could not see any deeper significance to marriage since they already knew they were a committed family.  From my understanding, neither one of them have any particular religious commitments, and yet, here she was, telling me that the only point of discussion they had concerning the value of marriage was its possible sacredness.

In the midst of our conversation, this point of sacredness was interesting to me, but it was until I drove home that the full weight of it settled through the silence of my car. Here was a couple with no real interest in or connection to the theological arguments for marriage stating the whole point of the union. It struck me that in all the "culture war" debates concerning marriage, we tend to focus on and speak to the practical or natural needs and reasons for marriage. I believe the rational is that those reasons are the only space in which Christians can speak a common language with nonbelievers, the only areas in which we even have a hope to persuade. But maybe that is not the case. Maybe the younger generations are more open to arguments based on the spiritual aspects or "sacredness"of marriage?

The more I think about it, the more interesting it is to me that faith communities are relying more and more on "practical" arguments for marriage while this very secular couple focuses more on more on the spiritual arguments for it. And it makes me mourn that the church thinks it must neglect what it believes to be the most central truths about humanity in order to speak to the broader culture. The centrality of sacredness in the meaning of marriage should be the starting point of the church in speaking to the culture about marriage, not something that is left for those who already accept the reality of a God who created marriage and therefore has something to say about the institution. I believe some are focusing on this, but the overall voice of Christianity in America does not emphasize the sacredness of marriage when arguing for it. We talk about need for commitment and the goodness of the family, but those two things are only byproducts of understanding and knowing the sacredness of marriage. It is not commitment that we should mourn the loss of in marriage. For who can remain committed to something  purely secular? Who can find within themselves the capability for it? The lost meaning that should be mourned and fought for is the rich and deep meaning of marriage that goes beyond commitment and family.

~Hannah


0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Archives

    October 2018
    November 2017
    July 2016
    June 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    November 2015
    October 2015
    July 2015
    April 2015
    February 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    April 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    November 2012
    October 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    March 2011
    December 2010
    November 2010
    June 2010
    May 2010
    April 2010
    March 2010
    January 2010
    December 2009
    September 2009
    August 2009
    July 2009
    April 2009
    March 2009
    February 2009
    September 2008
    July 2008

    Categories

    All
    365
    Abortion
    Advent
    Animals
    Beauty
    Beginning Of Life
    Boston
    Boston Reading Project
    Calling
    China
    China Partnership
    Christianity
    Commitment
    Community
    Consumerism
    Contentment
    Conversations
    Creation
    Culture
    Death
    Debate
    Eternity
    Exploration
    Faith
    Family
    Fashion
    Feminism
    Film
    Friendship
    Gender
    Germany
    Girl Culture
    God's Love
    Grace
    Guilt
    Human Rights
    Humor
    Identity
    Judging
    Justice
    Lists
    Literature
    Lost In Translation
    Love
    Male Gaze
    Marriage
    Mary
    Materialism
    Memories
    Morality
    Music
    Mythology
    New England
    Objectification
    Photography
    Pinterest
    Poetry
    Poverty
    Prayer
    Purpose
    Quotes
    Recommendations
    Relationships
    Repentance
    Responsibility
    Roles
    Sarah The Dog
    Scripture
    Sex
    Sex Trafficking
    Singleness
    Stewardship
    Stories
    Suffering
    The Body
    Theology
    Time
    Travel
    Vintage
    Virtue
    Wedding
    Whimsey
    Work

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • Home
  • Hannah
  • The Motherhood Project
  • Ruthie
  • Bio
  • Explained